My sweet , beloved boy,
Right now you are seven years old, sitting beside me, asking what I'm doing. I can smell the pool, sunscreen, and sunshine on you from earlier today and your big brown eyes are alert, taking in every little detail of the computer screen, reading the words as I type them. I tell you that I am writing a letter to you to read when you are older, you say, "oh," and promptly move to put on some swim goggles and act like you are swimming. OH the joys of raising a boy! The smiles and giggles you give which, in turn, make me smile are something I treasure.
That being said I know I can't keep you at seven forever. I want you to grow and thrive and live an abundant, joyful life. Hopefully with someone special.
I want you to know that if you don't know how babies are made at this time, when you are allowed to read this, talk to your father. Haha!!! I'm going to assume that you do, so you should know that while the whole process (I shudder at having to say these things to you) may seem black and white, the technicalities, there are emotions involved.
Yep, I said it emotions. Men have them, I know. They just might not show it. And that is fine because that is how you were made. You are natural problem solvers, think mechanically, need only the necessary information, not the side story to things, and generally get over things quickly. Women, on the other hand, are EMOTIONAL creatures. And that is fine because that is the way we were made. Not from dust, like men who, are well, manly and see a cut and say, "rub some dirt in it," and are strong and tough. No, women are made from the rib, close to the heart, on the inside, where we feel things. The way God designed us. (I know some people disagree with that, but you can't argue with God and His creation. And if you do, it's going to be a rough life for you).
Right now, you have only one girlfriend, which is down from fifteen, or whatever number, during kindergarten last year. I know you said you love this one, and you may love her, but it's not the love God designed for you to have for your spouse when you are older. This love that God has in mind for her (your spouse) is a kind that is special, reserved for her, one that belongs only to her, and the only person you will love more, should love more, is God. So the love you say you have for this current girl, who is a very sweet, cute girl, is more of a friendly love, my son. This love, friendly love, is something that, if you don't recognize it, can be shared with more than one person or transferred from person to person. Don't get these two loves confused.
As you get older and start to think about dating, which is probably when I will give you this letter, please think about what kind of woman God has in mind for you, how you should go about finding her, and if she is the one that you could possibly spend your life with. I know, I know you are probably thinking, "Mom, you are crazy, I'm too young to think about marriage." That is exactly why I am giving this to you, so that you can think about what it means to love a person.
I'm sure you know that you were conceived out of wedlock, and if you haven't read my testimony or I haven't shared it with you, please tell me now! You need to read it, son, so you know where I am coming from.
So by now, your attention is wavering so I will keep it short. Expect more later though. When you start liking a girl, ask her on a date, taker her to dinner or whatever, start thinking about her qualities. What do you like about her? What do you not like about her? Could she change? Does she follow Jesus? (NUMBER ONE QUESTION RIGHT THERE) Does she desire to grow in God or does she hide her faith? I can't answer these questions, you have to. Now align them with what God would say. What would God think about her? Does she help you grow spiritually, as a man, make you want to be better, and do better in life and school? What would your dad and I say about her? Have you prayed about it?
Lots of questions, but all valid, I promise. So now, (shudder again) you might start thinking about kissing her. Ewwww. Hah, but I know. That leads to all kinds of things. Or not. It will be up to you. You are a young man (NOTE: young man, not MAN man yet.) As the male in the relationship, it is your job to protect the female. You are the leader in the relationship, not the other way around. Don't ever let a girl push you into a corner, make you into a follower of her, or change you into a person you wouldn't be proud of or lead you down a path that God wouldn't be happy with, which in turn, would make you unhappy because God wants a joyful life for you. She should encourage you yes, but in a direction that would be wise, God and parent approved. I'm not saying be a bully and don't take anything she has to say to heart or push her around. Protect her, cherish her, build her up, not down, and take note of her words, thoughts, and emotions. If she is pressuring you, or you start feeling like you want to take your relationship to the next level or 'base' please consider her virtue and well as yours.
God made intimacy between a male and female for the marriage bed. All kinds of problems happen when intimacy happens outside of marriage. Maybe small problems. Maybe big problems. But when you do take something, her virginity, when it's not inside of marriage, you are, believe it or not, taking part of her. It's something so very special, that God made to give to the man she will spend her life with, her spouse. Are you that spouse? You might be saying no, not married but I might marry her. Well 'might marry her' isn't good enough. Her virtue is something the male is to protect when in a relationship, to keep her pure for God and her spouse and if that is not you, then it is not yours to take. Son, when you are getting to a point when this might happen, please give yourself some space, leave, pray and consider. Because your virtue is something you are suppose to protect as well. Nothing is more manly than keeping yourself pure and your girlfriend or fiancée pure for marriage. So you have to be the strong one, and hopefully she will help you regarding this.
More later. Closing for now. Talk with me if you have questions or if you'd rather, with your dad. Love you Kota man.
Love, Mom.
